| The Alphabet Of Manliness | 
 enlarge | List Price: $15.95
Buy New: $7.64
You Save: $8.31 (52%)
Buy New/Used from $6.74
Avg. Customer Rating:   (based on 226 reviews)
Sales Rank: 5873
Category: Book
Author: Maddox
Publisher: Citadel Press
Studio: Citadel Press
Manufacturer: Citadel Press
Label: Citadel Press
Languages: English (Original Language), English (Unknown), English (Published)
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 204
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.8
Dimensions (in): 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.9
ISBN: 080652720X
Dewey Decimal Number: 818
EAN: 9780806527208
ASIN: 080652720X
Publication Date: May 30, 2006
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
|
| Similar Items:
|
| Editorial Reviews:
Product Description
From the publisher: This is the only sentence in the entire book that will give you a chance to adjust your face; take your time, because it?s about to be rocked off?permanently. Finally, a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved: The Alphabet of Manliness. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history. Here?s a small sample of the ass-kickery found within these revered pages of outright manliness: People getting drop-kicked in the face Phallic aggression Violence in excess of what has come to be known as excessive Garish disregard for the well-being of children Contempt for animals, women, and other cultures Intimidating rhetoric Obscure penile references The triumph of flannel over good taste This book is only for the saltiest, hairiest, most rugged son of a bitch out there. However, it would be selfish to keep it for myself, so feel free to buy a copy. This humble tome of wisdom is a tribute to all men who toil away at work every day, getting their balls busted, or busting balls. If you can?t handle the punch to the colon I?m about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you?ll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already.
Amazon.com Review
Lumberjacks, pirates, and Chuck Norris all agree that there is but one arbiter of manliness, and he has but one name: Maddox. The longtime proprietor of the absurdly popular website, The Best Page in the Universe, Maddox has thoughtfully collected his vast masculine wisdom for the first time in a useful reference work, The Alphabet of Manliness. Since men of course communicate with others only under duress, this book may be the sole resource for those starved for answers about basic manly subjects such as urinal etiquette, road rage, and beef jerky. We thought that Neil Strauss, who chronicled his own transformation from "half a man" to a "Master Pickup Artist" in the one-of-a-kind bestseller, The Game, might be the perfect expert to assess Maddox's guide, and indeed, he came through with the sharpest take we've yet seen on the book, which you can read below.
Guest Reviewer: Neil Strauss
 Over the past decade, Neil Strauss, former pop music critic for The New York Times, has established himself as the go-to guy for diarists of decadence, collaborating with rockers Marilyn Manson, Moetley Cruee (on the instant trash classic, The Dirt), and Dave Navarro, as well as porn star Jenna Jameson, on a series of witty and frank tales of celebrity excess. And then he stepped out on his own with one of our top-selling books of 2005, The Game, his bizarre, hilarious, and surprisingly uplifting memoir of joining a secret society of "Master Pickup Artists." Keep your eye out: he has many more smart and shocking projects on the way.
I am fully convinced after reading the entire A-Z of The Alphabet of Manliness that the author of its 26 essays, Maddox, is a nerd. And not just because he correctly alphabetizes the entries, but because he can recite the names of every Castlevania game, talks about hacking and IP addresses and various mathematical theorems, and has just spent way too much time analyzing in minute detail every aspect of the penis, its functions, and its influence on the male brain. However, Maddox's lack of bulging biceps may actually be a positive thing. Because having him become the symbol and policy-maker of all things alpha male just may be one of the most subversive byproducts of the Internet since file-sharing. If you are new to the world of Maddox and unfamiliar with his website www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com, here's how you will react to the book: When you read the dedication--"to the love of my life, my soul mate, and the greatest person in the world: me"--you will think for a moment that you have encountered one of the most unlikable narcissists in the world. When he calls a woman a "bitch" on page 2, you may actually begin to hate him. But if you stick with it, by the time you get to the middle of the book and are fully immersed in his over-active, over-systematic, testosterone-addled imagination, you will begin to realize that Maddox just may be the Andy Kaufman of his time, in possession of the driest wit you've ever encountered. The middle of the book also happens to be the home of Maddox's finest essays. In his contribution to the geek canon of Chuck Norris worship, he spuriously notes that Norris uses hippies as firewood, intercepts letters to Santa Claus to use as toilet paper, and eats "bread, cheese, some tomato paste and a handful of basil, which sounds like pizza, but it's not because Chuck Norris doesn't want to give the Italians the credit." In general, there are two types of humor in this book: things that are funny because they're wrong ("a pirate's semen is indestructible") and things that are funny because they're right (his entire essay on urinal etiquette). By the time you get to his views on the quickie, in which he describes a sexual encounter with his girlfriend that involves her never showing up and him passing out drunk and getting robbed, you may be bookmarking his website. And by the time you turn to the last page, you'll be flipping back to the first, reading it again and looking for the jokes you missed because you were too busy being shocked, offended, and slightly titillated. In short, The Alphabet of Manliness just may be one of the smartest paeans to stupidity ever written. --Neil Strauss
What's more manly than crushing a can against your eye, Maddox-style? Mastered that advanced skill? Move on to Maddox's short quiz below, prepared exclusively for Amazon.com, and find out whether you might be one of the new breed of men, the "hetrosexual." Straight Is the New Gay by Maddox In a world where metrosexuals--stylish, well-groomed, and sharply dressed men--have taken the center stage in defining the new masculinity, small pockets of men are starting to emerge, rebelling against the status quo. This new breed of man has rejected a lifestyle of wine tasting, pedicures, and excessive cultural awareness (i.e., any cultural awareness). This newly born response to metrosexuality is gaining momentum like never before, calling back to a day when men proudly wore plaid, ate liver and onions, and smelled like motor oil by choice. This modern man has come to be known simply as: the hetrosexual. Hetrosexual men aren't afraid embrace their masculinity. They eat, drink, and sleep like real men: fully engorged. There's no such thing as a "fashion faux-pas" in the world of hetrosexuality. In fact, even the use of the phrase "faux-pas" draws the ire of the hetrosexual man in the form of beatings and social isolation (preferably both). These are men who refuse to be pigeonholed into the constraints of sexual ambiguity, and gladly welcome every opportunity to crotch-wrestle a hot babe. Hetrosexuals are making it cool to be straight again; straight is the new gay. Think you might be a hetrosexual? Take the following quiz to find out: | 1. How much should you tip a hairstylist? | | If you answered, you're wrong. Hetrosexuals don't go to hair stylists. | | The correct answer is B) No. Acceptable fragrances for men are: sweat, grease, rum, or some combination thereof. | | 3. Which language do you speak? | | A) French | | B) English | | C) Both | | D) Neither | | The answer is B) English. French is the language of love, and men don't love anything. At best, there are varying degrees of "like," and even then, men don't like anything that much. | | 4. When dining at restaurant, you should | | A) Push aside your friends and wrestle over the best seat | | B) Wait until the maitre d' seats you | | C) What's a maitre d'? | | The correct answer is A and C. A, because if you don't secure the best spot at the table, you may find yourself in the position of having to engage in small talk with your guest. And C, because of the answer to question 3 above. | If you answered all of the questions correctly, congratulations: you are the winner. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a man (unless you are not), and nobody can take that away from you.
|
| Customer Reviews: Read 221 more reviews...
 Fairly Good January 4, 2009
There's no doubt that Maddox is an excellent writer with an original and unmistakable dry wit. If you like his site, you may be slightly disappointed because the book is not consistently good as a whole.
I would say that this book is EXCELLENT in some parts, but not so punchy in others. The final "chapter" (or letter) Z is excellent, as are other letters, but I found some of them to be boring.
I would still recommend this book - Maddox is an original writer and if you have an open mind and are between the ages of 16 and 27 you will probably like it.
I look forward to Maddox's next book, if he writes one.
 Maddox delivers December 18, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
While I would have preferred that he updates his website once in a while, I am not too unhappy that he has been working on this book instead.
Truly very funny. If you don't this this is funny, there is something wrong with you. Of course, Maddox is a one-trick pony. But he is very good at that.
I hope he runs for president one day. And wins!
Maddox Is The Man!!!!! November 18, 2008
this book covers everything a real man should know about!
-Asskicking
-Pirates
-Copping A Feel
-Taking A Dump
and so much more!
educational and entertaining.....and great to read while on the toilet!
Couldn't stop laughing! October 21, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I read 3 pages and broke my collarbone due to severe laughter. I read on and learned a little more about manliness. By the time I was done with the book, I decided to fuse my collarbone back to my chest by simply welding it back on.
Loyal Fan September 23, 2008
10 out of 10 found this review helpful
I've been a fan of Maddox for some time and I thought his book was great. I think you'll definitely like it, but if you don't like his website, you're not going to like his book so make sure you check it first. Also,if you're looking for manly books, then I would recommend I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell or FRATIRE (also called College Life Extreme?). Both authors have websites so check them out too before you waste your money on a book you might not like.
|
|
|
